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"Happiness and Work: Your Life Depends On It.''
some banana bread, took out the garbage and called to cancel
a doctors appointment scheduled for the next day. He wrote a
note to remind his wife to pick up the dry cleaning. All
things consider
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Robert had "retired" four years earlier after nearly 40
years doing what he loved in the banking industry. After
retirement, his life took a challenging turn.
While he remained friendly and encouraging to others on the
outside, on the inside he was suffering a deepening
depression. After retirement, Robert couldn't find anything
to replace the meaning and fulfillment that work provided
him. And this void was slowly killing him.
So on that "normal" morning, Robert cleaned up the kitchen
after finishing baking his wife the banana bread. Then he
drove himself to the parking lot of the bank where he had
worked all those years. After carefully parking and locking
his car, he walked into a local store and handed a note to
the clerk behind the counter. Then he walked outside and
shot himself in the head. He ended his life with one bullet
at 1pm on a blazing sunny day.
Robert was my dad.
Your happiness is your responsibility
A few years back, when I decided to leave corporate America
after 25 years, I thought I had learned enough about
mid-life and work.
After all, I was in the middle of my Ph.D research on what
happens to mid-life adults when they leave the security of
the nest to follow their hearts and their life's calling. I
had coined a new term, ''Vocational Passion,'' to describe
this alignment of passions, abilities and interests. I had
started a new on-line community at
www.thevocationalcoach.com, and I wrote a book, ''P Is For
Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day'' in an attempt to boil
down this research in a practical 10 step model.
Yes, I had thought, with my corporate background, various
degrees, new clients, new office, workshops, public speaking
gigs and a burning desire to make a difference in the world,
I had learned enough.
I was wrong. The biggest challenges were still ahead.
So as I struggle to make sense of his death, I also am
finding new strength in my own work, helping others to find
meaning and fulfillment in their vocational lives. This is
especially so in mid-life, which can be the most threatening
period of all.
When my dad lost his purpose for living, he also lost the
will to live.
Fortunately, most people don't take this action to end their
own life but many people shoot themselves in the head
emotionally, continuing to work at jobs which no longer
provide meaning or passion or fulfillment.
It doesn't have to be this way. With this article, I am
hopeful, maybe one life can be saved as a result of
acknowledging that depression may be a symptom of not living
a life filled with purpose, meaning and fulfillment. As a
result, a call to action is a must.
As the psychologist Carl Jung said, mid-life is a time to
listen deeply to your heart. Whether we plan for this or
not, midlife can be a period of transition and reappraisal.
More inner questioning can occur. Career plateaus can be
reached during this period, which drives a need for internal
insight and reflection.
Those who don't invest in time for self-reflection in
mid-life may experience increased stress and other distress
signals. The sense of crisis may vary from one person to the
next. For those who do experience stress, making changes in
mid-life is never easy or without challenges.
Can you make the difficult choices?
Making work-related change in mid-life to pursue a dream or
passion generates a lot of issues. I have observed in
working with my own clients that these issues generally fall
into three categories: emotional, relationship and
financial.
Am I good enough? Can I can give myself permission to follow
my heart?
What will my loved one's say? If they don't agree, do I dare
test a relationship or rock the boat at this point in my
life?
Despite all the "sound" financial advice to save for
retirement, do I instead invest in myself now, thus perhaps
turning my financial world upside down.
Are my loved one's willing to make this sacrifice? What if
they are not?
These questions will all come up. One will feel selfish and
may well be accused of being self-indulgent of
self-absorbed. Well, mid-life is a time to be selfish. This
isn't about change for its own sake, but to position oneself
for the second half of life, to be authentic and to shred
external views and norms.
During this time, it doesn't help that society's view is the
general belief that work continues to be something not
necessarily to be enjoyed. As a result, most career theory
and research has supported this notion by largely ignoring
the enjoyment factor. Even counseling psychology has largely
followed the same path. The focus has been on matching
skills and available types of work. While this can be
helpful for younger adults, in mid-life internal needs,
desires and passions beg for attention.
While society expects those in mid-life to simply roll over
and prepare to die or retire (I am not sure which is worse)
many in mid-life actually begin to wonder how they can start
living. For many, it is a re-birth with new wisdom and self
permission to follow your heart.
Economic conditions can force people to ignore their inner
needs and take jobs they don't like to pay the bills. This
only helps to further ignore your inner needs. Jung believed
that ego was important for development in the first half of
life but in the second half, ego should step aside for
humility.
Achieving vocational passion requires looking inward to
understand what brings you the most enjoyment in your work.
As a result, you can begin to understand the relationship
between achieving greater meaning and the way you choose to
conduct your life.
It takes action to follow your vocational passion. I am not
convinced that money can buy happiness at mid-life, but I am
convinced that happiness can increase the richness in your
life. We each get to define what that means.
It all starts with a simple re-examination of what you have
done, are doing and might do vocationally in the second half
of life. In mid-life and later, it's critical not to ignore
your heart. In mid-life, it may be the most consistent thing
in your life when everything else seems in flux.
Sadly, Robert wasn't able to do this.
My wonderful grandmother who lived well into her mid-90's
used to always say to me, "Bagel (that's what she called me)
just do what makes you happy."
I think now, I finally understand what she meant.
Craig Nathanson is The Vocational CoachT and the author of,
P Is For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day by Bookcoach
Press and the publisher of the free Ezine, ''Vocational
passion in mid-life''. Craig believes the world works a
little better when we do the work we love. Craig Nathanson
helps those in mid-life carry this out! Visit his on-line
community at www.thevocationalcoach.com where you can sign
up for his next teleclass coming up on October 7th!
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