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By SABRINA TOUCINHO - Divorce Magazine
Now that you're separated or divorced, everything is different. Take dating for instance: before your marriage, you wondered when to introduce your boyfriend to your parents; now, it's your children you have to worry about.
Everything seems different, after you get separated or divorced. Each individual reacts differently to the decision of when to begin dating again. In many situations where children are present, single parents may opt to devote themselves to their children entirely and forget about socializing. This may seem the right thing to do at first, but doing so could also have negative consequences. Parent can become obsessed with their parenting role, and have a very hard time letting go once their children grow older. Also it is not fair to your children to be surrounded by an adult life. In order to be a successful parent it is important that you develop adult interaction.
Allocating time to be a person as well as a parent will invigorate you. Parent are the blueprint that children will try to imitate, if you don’t socialize, most likely they won’t either. Another reason for having adult interaction refers to staying away from the pitfall of relying too heavily on children to fill the gap left by an adult. It is perfectly normal that you as a single parent, have adult needs for understanding, intimacy, companionship and romance that can only be satisfied by another adult.
In the short-time, you run the risk of burning-out if you don't take some time to look after and enjoy yourself. In the long-run, your lack of social life could make you emotionally dependent on your children, which is harmful and stressful for everyone involved.
On the flip side, don't feel like you have to run out and find a new mate to provide another parent for your kids. The decision to begin dating again should happen once you feel ready to meet someone new.
Before embarking on a new relationship, you should think about what you're looking for in a companion. What specific qualities do you find attractive? What specific qualities will complement you, your children, and your lifestyle? What type of companionship are you seeking: do you need a friend, a date, or are you hoping to remarry? Are you willing to date a single parent (scheduling can be a real problem, but another single parent should have true empathy for you and your situation)?
It is also very important to keep in mind that one of the greatest challenges of single parenting is to nurture your own adult needs and your children at the same time.
By minimizing how many potential partners your child is exposed to, you'll minimize conflicts, objections, and angry outbursts from your child. Whether you choose to continue to sail solo or embark on a new relationship, be patient and take your time. Move forward slowly with a new partner, and get to know him or her really well before embarking on remarriage or living together -- for your own sake as well as your children's.
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