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My whole life has been about helping children. Sometimes those children were abused or neglected foster kids that needed to be held and loved. Sometimes they were preschool children that I taught in rural South Dakota communities. At other times they were "grown up" college kids searching for guidance with real life issues. Currently my role as helper comes with the title of nanny. In this article, I am offering you some of what I know have learned in the past year, in hopes that it might make your experience as a nanny successful.
CHILDREN AS ACTIVE MEMBERS OF THE HOUSEHOLD
Getting children involved in helping around the house does not have to be a battle. Believe it or not, children like responsibility. They like to know that they are a needed and valued part of the family structure. Once you realize how to assign "jobs" successfully and the children understand that they are being held accountable for that "job" it becomes a natural part of the daily routine.
Don't offer choices to children when they really have no choice. An example being, instead of saying, "James, WILL you please feed the dog?" try "James, please feed the dog." The first question is giving James the option of saying no, when in reality you are not offering him that choice. The second statement is much better because there is no room for "creative interpretation".
Giving instruction to children can sometimes be frustrating for both you and the child. How many times have we, after asking a child to do something thought, "It would have just been easier to it myself" ? Of course it would have been easier, but learning to follow instructions is an important task for children to learn. Here are some ways to make it as easy as possible for children to succeed at following directions.
First, make sure that you have the child's full attention before you begin speaking. Ways to do this are: begin your statement with the child's name and make you sure keep direct eye contact with that child. By saying their name first, you immediately are getting that child's attention and by keeping direct eye contact, you are keeping the attention focused on the conversation and eliminating any distractions.
Next, give only one direction at a time (this number depends on the child's age and his ability). Let's say for example you would like Adam to set the table. This task, although it sounds simple needs to be broken down. Begin by telling the child what you would like done, and then give him instructions on how to complete the task. Example (assuming the child has done this before; if not, you will have to show him exactly how) "Adam, I need you to please set the table for supper. First get 4 placemats and put them around the table." When he has done that, give him the next direction. "Now put 4 plates on the placemats." And continue in this fashion until the task of setting the table is complete.
Now for more complex jobs, making a list that breaks the job down into steps might be more appropriate. Let's say you would like Victoria to clean up her room. Generally you cannot say, "Victoria please clean up your room" and get the results you want. This is because your idea of cleaning up the room and her idea of cleaning up the room are probably totally different. So lets break the large task into a set of simple instructions that are easy to understand and complete. Make a list of all the things that need to be done. After the room is cleaned, don't throw the list away, keep it for the next time
Put all shoes in the closet neatly
Put all the stuffed animals on the bed
Put all the books on the bookshelf
Once you practice giving instructions in a positive way, it becomes second nature.
INCENTIVES
One of my household responsibilities is to wash the children's laundry. I don't mind doing laundry at all, in a strange way, I find it sort of rewarding. But what I do mind is turning clothes right side out. It is a total waste of my time. When I did my first loads of laundry here, it took me 20 minutes just to turn socks and shirts right side out. That evening, I informed the kids that when they got undressed, before they put the clothes in the hamper, they needed to take a few moments and turn everything right side out. "Why?" was the response I got back. "Because it would help me out" was all I could think of to say. Well, the first week they did pretty good, but I still found myself turning some clothes right side out. So much for trying to intrinsically motivate 7 years olds! I needed a new plan. So was born the "laundry game". The "game" is, whichever child has the least amount of clothes turned inside out on Monday morning when I sort laundry gets a special prize (worth about 1 or 2 dollars). The first thing the kids want to talk about on Monday mornings is "who won". The game has ended in a tie about 95% of the time, which is fine. We all get what we want.
I am not condoning rewarding children for every time they do something helpful. I tell "my kids" that some jobs you do just because you are a part of the family and family means working together to get things done. This might sound trite, but they believe it.
ORGANIZING
I cannot stress how important it is for me to be organized. How "together" I am everyday, has a direct effect on how stress free we all stay. Below are some organizing techniques that have helped me.
Simplify Clean out closets, cupboards and drawers. If things never get used, pack them up and move them out. Make room for stuff you really do need. Sometimes it is easier to do this when the kids are not around, so they don't know the "valuable junk" you are getting rid of.
Kids Clothes
The first thing I did was throw away all the mismatched metal hangers and such in the kids closets. I replaced them with matching plastic hangers you can purchase cheaply at discount stores or 5 and dime stores. Each child picked out which one color they wanted their hangers to be.
Next I took all the clothes that did not fit, out of the closet and packed them up. Then I divided out the summer clothes from the winter clothes. When it is appropriate to wear summer clothes, the kids have access to them easily on the bottom rack of the closet while the winter weather clothes are on the top rack. When pants (or shorts) have matching tops, I keep them on the same hanger, so it is easier for the kids to pick out their own outfits.
Personally, I think it is easier to keep school clothes on hangers in the closet instead of folded in dresser drawers. When they are hung up, it is easier to see what is available to wear without making a mess and clothes don't get as wrinkled when they are hung up.
Dresser space is reserved for clothing such as socks, underwear, pj's, and grubby t-shirts. I try to keep a separate drawer for each different type of clothing.
Shopping
The first thing I do on Monday morning is throw out all the leftovers that sat in the fridge all weekend that obviously are not going to get eaten. Then I plan my menu for the week and post it on the calendar. I make a list of all ingredients that I will need to pick up at the store.
On an index card, I keep lists of all the items we need on a weekly basis. One side of the index card has household products like garbage bags, cleaning supplies, toiletries and such listed. The other side of the card lists food items that we need every week. This probably verges on this side of neurotic, but they are listed in order in which they appear at the grocery store, so I don't have to backtrack too much.
I do my grocery shopping early Monday morning before everyone else gets to store. This really cuts down on how long I have to stand in line. It also seems like the grocers are more eager to offer assistance early in the day.
Schedules
Every activity that the family participates in is listed on the monthly calendar. With 3 adults making plans, it is essential that we each write plans and times down so activities aren't doubled up.
For myself, I try to do the same jobs at the same time every week.
I try to keep the kid's daily routine pretty much on schedule also. I don't mean a rigid time line, but a consistent schedule. I have found that kids thrive when they have a familiar routine. A routine gives them a sense of ownership of time. Think back to when you were in school--didn't you like it much better when you knew what was going to be happening at what time during the day? It is the same for us at home. As soon as the kids come home from school, we do homework together. Then we eat supper. Then we go to after school activities. When we come home, it is bath time (if it is not nice enough to play outside). Then is it play time.
SPECIAL TIMES
The most important gift we can give to any child is our time. Kids all have individual interests, find out what your kids' interests are and then find the time to pursue them. I keep a backpack full of art supplies in our car because both my kids like to create projects. Whenever we are waiting somewhere, we open the backpack and start creating. I use to run my personal errands alone, until I found out how much Victoria likes to "shop" for cosmetics. Now she goes with me to the drug store all the time and we talk about the new colors and new make up products. James is a sports fanatic, so now that the weather has turned nice, we go outside and play every chance we get. These are just some of the things we do to make time spent together special. Whatever you come up with your kids should reflect their special interests. Do not forget your interests too. You are bringing into the relationship a whole new set of experiences your kids probably have never had. Introduce them to your interests.
CONCLUSIONS
Being a nanny is a challenging job. You must have a sense of humor, be caring, resourceful, and self motivated. Along with these characteristics is the need to be a resourceful and organized team player. As much as it is challenging, it is even more rewarding. You are given the opportunity to be a part of a family. You are a role model. You get to explore cities and states your friends might never get the chance to see. You are an ambassador for your state. By packing up and leaving all that is familiar to you, you are given the chance to experience new cultures first hand and grow both as a person and as a professional.
I came to New York from a small town in South Dakota, and I survived! That is something I am proud of. I have never really seen myself as an adventurous person, but the things I have done here in the past year have given me the courage to move forward and pursue other horizons. The way I see it now is, if I am brave enough and strong enough to survive in New York I can do anything. Although I have had an incredible year, and will miss "my" family here terribly, it is time for me to get back to teaching in the classroom. I have accepted a job teaching Kindergarten in Cairo Egypt. I do not think I would ever had the courage to make such a big move if I had not first made the move to New York. I wish to all the nannies the success that I have found.
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