IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Pine Level News - J B Web Publishing, by javamanmonk, senior staff writer.
Pine Level Fl., June 18, 2004 – Dodge Ball, Saving The World.
Dodge Ball
World Peace Achieved in Our Time
How the game was played
I remember playing this game often as a child in grade school. The young students would form a parallel line outside the stone walls of our school building and face a single player standing several yards away, holding a somewhat soft red rubber ball about the size of a Basket Ball. The gentleman with the ball; mostly boys played this game, the girls played jacks; stood poised to hurl his projectile at the slowest target.
The release of the ball caused pandemonium in the line of dodgers. Everyone moving in a random direction usually caused a pile up. The trick was to recover from this mess before the ball could bounce off the wall behind you, returning to the pitcher who would quickly fire off a second shot.
No one in this sport wanted to be tagged. This made you “it", you didn't want to be “it", especially the last “it" when the bell rang to end recess.
The fellow left holding the ball was treated as if he had a case of cooties the rest of the day. This was a somewhat miserable stature because the rest of the gang would avoid you in class and in the halls, until the next recess. Only then would you have a chance to regain your stature at the next session of Dodge Ball.
Theory of Evolution
Now, this was all quite innocent at first. Like all school yard games, Dodge Ball began to evolve. The ball was under inflated by the school's staff for safety, but one of our brighter students came prepared with a bicycle pump one day, and we hastily pumped the device until the ball became substantially harder.
Over inflating the ball had the effect of improving control for the pitcher and added a little sting when struck, especially if you were hit in the face.
The demise of the sport wasn't far on the horizon. With a harder ball whizzing straight at your head, the participants were all the more eager to dodge the missile, causing the previously mentioned pile ups to get worse. Under less stress, a player would be sure to keep a safe distance from the wall behind the line of dodgers. With the modified equipment, there was less time to dodge and think about safety also. If one ventured too close to the wall and took a hit, your skull would bounce off the wall along with the ball.
The game further evolved, when some of the more athletic among our ranks began to volunteer as the pitcher. I can clearly remember two young rascals, Sammy and Terry. They were considerably larger and stronger than the rest of the class. When these devils threw the ball, it would often cause minor injuries. Nothing serious mind you, but an occasional bloody nose, or a goose egg on the noggin, or a scrape or two from encounters with the wall.
Trouble on the Playground
This was beginning to draw the attention of the faculty and some of the parents. We were warned to take it easy and leave the bicycle pumps at home.
Of course, we weren't about to be deterred. We became more stealthy when making our modifications, which had to be done daily; the equipment keeper always returned the ball to the lower pressure at the end of the day.
The end of our somewhat prankish activities came suddenly one day; an errant pitch went through the window of a classroom causing a disturbance among some teachers. When our Principal, Mrs. Hogan came on the scene, she announced the end of our sport once and for all. She also demanded to know the name of the person that was responsible for destruction of school property. Of course, no one would fess up to the deed, and none of our fellows would rat fink the guilty culprit. No eye witnesses came forward from the group of girls playing jacks nearby, much to the credit of the ladies, as they were often struck or their game was disturbed by frequent “errant" shots.
Rehabilitation
Several of us players were invited to become the personal students of Mrs. Hogan in the Principal's Office. This special academic session went on for several months before we were allowed to return to our regular class; only after learning proper behavior in a civilized society. In those days, if you did the crime, you did to time. No if's and's or but's.
Mrs. Hogan was a gifted educator as well as a stern disciplinarian, and the graduates of her special class received the benefit of her wisdom. Sammy was an Eagle Scout and in adulthood became a decorated U.S. Marine during the Viet Nam War. Several of us are honorably discharged military veterans and a few were outstanding athletes in later years. The game of Dodge Ball was quickly forgotten and replaced by the more popular sports like Baseball, Football and Wrestling.
Enter Hollyweird and the Media
As I have said, no one ever looked back on a sport that was meant to occupy the time of boys, until they developed the necessary skills to be able to function in the more complicated sports. I never heard the words, Dodge Ball, mentioned again for a half century.
I wasn't a bit surprised to hear that Adults were playing a modern version of Dodge Ball, more “evolution", to work off frustrations and excess energy.
Even Hollywood has jumped into the game with a movie named for the diversion. The participants seem to practice safety, wearing helmets and other protective gear, but the old smack in the face is still there along with it's companion, the bloody nose. The folks that are playing the game, seem a little young to have been around in the days before the ban that seemed to finish the game of Dodge Ball everywhere, and maybe not privy to old tricks of the trade. But sooner or later they will be pumping up ball pressure and bashing each others brains out, before heading off for home to rest up for the next game.
Theory for World Peace
This is my suggestion for taking care of overly aggressive natures. Round up all terrorists and wanna bees, throw in a few petty dictators and other unsavory government officials, and anyone else that thinks they are hot tuna, for a friendly game of Dodge Ball.
Also, I suggest evolving the game further. Let's have them play with a ball that is as hard as a Hocky Puck. Paint a line, one foot in front of a long brick wall. All dodgers must stay between line and wall. Have at least five pro Wrestlers, working simultaneously as pitchers. After a few hours of play during a hot afternoon, send them to Mr. Guantanamo's Office for a lengthy lesson on civilized behavior.
No doubt, during the recovery period of the players involved, there will be a little less turmoil that the rest of us will have to put up with.
Actually, I can't imagine grown adults being attracted to a child's game. It's infantile, crazy, insane.
Notice:
Anyone interested in forming a Dodge Ball League, contact webmaster@pinelevelplaza.com
NOTE: The original version (http://www.pinelevelplaza.com/dodgeball.html) of this web page is on Pine Level News.
