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Title: Why Other Children are Rejecting Your Child
Author: Anthony Kane, MD
Website: http://addadhdadvances.com
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Why Other Children are Rejecting Your Child
by Anthony Kane MD
Introduction
Developing healthy peer relationships is critical for the normal
development of a child. Peer relationships have been found to
be an important predictor of positive adult adjustment and
behavior. Difficulty in finding friends leads to feelings of
low self-esteem and these feelings usually continue into
adulthood.
Children with poor social skills are at risk for delinquency,
academic underachievement, and school drop out. Even though the
inattentiveness, impulsiveness, and restlessness frequently
persist into adult life, these problems are of less importance as
the child gets older. Rather, the main difficulty ADHD patients
encounter as they reach maturity is their inability to interact
appropriately with others.
ADHD children often lack the social skills that are essential to
success in life. These children can be socially inept, and their
lack of interpersonal skills may cause them a multitude of
difficulties. In addition, positive relationships with friends
in childhood provide a critical buffer against stress and help
to protect against psychological and psychiatric problems. ADHD
children lack these positive interactions and thus are at risk
for a number of emotional problems.
Probably 60% of ADHD children suffer from peer rejection. ADHD
children are less often chosen by peers to be best friends,
partners in activities, or seatmates. As the children grow
older, their social problems seem to get worse. Their
inappropriate behavior leads to further social rejection and
exacerbates their inability to relate to others appropriately.
Long term these children are more likely to have difficulty
finding and maintaining successful careers. This is not
surprising since social aptitude can make or break careers and
relationships in the adult world.
Causes of Poor Peer Relationships
ADHD children are frequently disliked or neglected by their
peers. It is difficult to determine all the factors that make a
child unpopular, but children who frequently display aggressive
or negative behavior tend to be rejected by their peers.
Impulsivity and Aggression
ADHD children tend to be more impulsive and aggressive than other
children. Teachers observe that the social interactions of ADHD
children more often involve fighting and interrupting others.
These children are more intense than others and behave
inappropriately in social contexts. For example, ADHD children
are more likely to yell, run around and talk at unsuitable times.
They also tend to want to dominate play, engage in off task
behaviors and engage more in teasing and physical jostling of
peers. This sets up a process of peer rejection.
Academic Problems
ADHD children often do not do well in school. Poor school
performance by itself does not result in social rejection.
However, the way the child responds to his academic difficulties
can contribute to inappropriate social behavior. Children who
cannot engage themselves with classroom work assignments often
disrupt and irritate their peers.
Inattention
ADHD children have difficulty with sustained attention. Deficit
in attention seems to be related to peer rejection independently
of the aggressive, impulsive, and hyperactive behaviors of ADHD
children. These children become bored more easily than other
children. As a result, they are more likely to become disruptive
in the classroom.
ADHD children have difficulty in modulating their behavior and
changing their conduct as the situation demands. They have
apparent social-cognitive deficits that limit their ability to
encode and recall rules of social cues. Children with ADHD pay
less attention to others verbally in games and other activities.
Many ADHD children are aware that they are socially inept.
Children who are anxious or fearful about peer relations are
unlikely to behave in an effective manner. These children
withdraw from peer interactions and, in this way, limit their
ability to gain acceptance and friendship.
Children are rejected by peers when they appear to be
different. Similarity fosters social acceptance. Because ADHD
children do not learn social clues as well as other children,
they tend to be viewed as strange.
Bad Behavior
One of the keys to your child’s social success is proper
behavior. If your ADHD or ODD child frequently misbehaves, it
is your obligation as a parent to teach your child how to
improve his behavior.
If your child is aggressive or defiant, if he does not accept
the authority of adults, or if he conducts himself in a such a
way that children his age will view him as a behavior problem,
then your child will have a difficult time making and maintaining
friendships. The friends he will attract are other aggressive
problem children, the type of child with whom which you would
rather your child not associate.
All children need friends. Behavior problem children have
trouble making friends with others, so these children tend to
congregate together. They reinforce each other’s bad behavior.
If you are an aware parent and you have control of your child you
can put a stop to friendships with these children. However, you
must have control of your child’s behavior in order to help him
to avoid the trap of bad friends.
Conclusion
Helping children with ADHD build close peer relationships is an
important goal to focus on, and is one that often may be over
looked. You, as a parent, have the ability to help your child
accomplish this important social goal. You should make every
effort to help your child in this area. His psychological
health and his happiness, both now and in the future, are very
much dependent upon how successful he is at making and
maintaining childhood friendships.
Anthony Kane, MD
ADD ADHD Advances
http://addadhdadvances.com
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Anthony Kane, MD is a physician, an international lecturer, and
director of special education. He is the author of a book,
numerous articles, and a number of online programs dealing with
ADHD treatment (http://addadhdadvances.com/childyoulove.html),
parenting issues (http://addadhdadvances.com/child-behavior.html),
ODD, and education.
You may visit his website at http://addadhdadvances.com.
To sign up for the free ADD ADHD Advances online journal send
an email to: subscribe@addadhdadvances.com?subject=subscribeart
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